Never Drink Absinth

Never drink absinth because you’ll wake up in the Bronx Zoo next to the

penguins. With a guy who never met that keeps calling you Rick when your

name is AJ. Then you realize that there is a phone number on your arm. And

when you call that number it’s the phone number to a sperm donation clinic.

And when you open the door to your apartment there are kiwi’s all over the

floor. And you find a note in the kitchen that says “happy bar mitzvah” but

your not jewish nor know anyone jewish. And while trying to fight the

hangover come to the realization that no matter how hard you try you can’t

remember shit. Then after consuming your family’s hangover cure you make

a pledge to never drink again only to just chug a Coors 2 hours later. The

moral of the story: never drink Absinth without a sober friend with you

because this is what happens.